You’re surrounded by zombies on all sides. You’re cut off from your fellow survivors. All you have for company is a rusty shovel. The zombie apocalypse is here – and if you want to survive, you’re going to have to get out of this yourself.
As the zombies close in, you think back to a time before the dead began to walk the earth. How could you have been better prepared?
One of the most rewarding signs of progress in training is feeling like you’re prepared to face any physical challenge. But if you’re training for the zombie apocalypse, then some training methods are better than others.
Count how many of these training methods you use, and check your score at the end to learn what your odds are of surviving a brush with the living dead…
1. Compound Lifts
Strength training should feature in almost every training programme. One of the best ways to do this is by using compound exercises like:
- Squats;
- Deadlifts;
- Pushing;
- Pulling.
Compound exercises are those that require a co-ordinated effort from multiple joints and muscle groups at the same time. This category of exercises has gained popularity due to the fact that most everyday tasks are performed with compound movements.
All actions in life are rooted in our ability to produce force, so building up your strength is going to make any task you need to perform in the zombie apocalypse much easier. It will also help every other ability on this list.
Need more persuading to try strength training? Check this post for more about the benefits of strength training.
2. Carrying
Carrying strength is one of the most underrated abilities you can have. I’m going to divide carrying into two subcategories: holding strength and grip strength.
2a. Holding strength is my way of describing the challenge of having weight bearing down on you. If you’re performing movements such as goblet squats or strongman exercises, you will get better at maintaining a solid position under load. This could help you carry more supplies, or help a fellow survivor limp to safety (just check they haven’t been bitten by a zombie yet!). My favourite exercise for this kind of strength is the front squat.
2b. Grip strength revolves around strength in the hands and forearms. It can be trained fairly easily using heavy holds, hanging exercises, and crushing exercises. Grip strength is often neglected because it feels tedious or uncomfortable, but when the zombies are closing in and you need to drag a friend to safety, you’ll be glad you trained for it.
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3. Sled Pushing and Dragging
Pushing and dragging requires you to move an object from A to B. Unlike carrying, pushing and dragging emphasise horizontal force – that means getting low enough to push your feet behind you.
The quintessential real-world example of this is push-starting a car. How many films have you seen where zombies are closing in and the car won’t start? Exactly.
These movements are tough on the legs and heart rate; two things that will serve you well when training for the zombie apocalypse.
4. Rotation
Rotation is a hugely under-appreciated movement skill. Most gym-goers only train rotation with Russian twists or bicycle crunches. While these do involve rotation of the torso, they won’t be enough when the living dead come looking for a meal.
True rotation training transmits force through your body from hip to shoulder, which you need for throwing, changing direction, and swinging whatever garden implement you’re using to decapitate zombies right now.
Incorporate rotation into your session with woodchops, medicine ball throws, and landmine work. Put more power into these movements with this power training method.
5. Olympic Lifting/Kettlebell Exercises
Weightlifting has the steepest learning curve of any skill on the list. However, it belongs here for one reason above all others. Olympic weightlifting builds explosiveness and challenges mobility, but you can train these abilities using other methods. Olympic weightlifting also improves your robustness – something you’ll need in spades to survive the zombie apocalypse.
You’ll build robustness by throwing heavy weight up and catching it as it falls back down. You’ll need to rapidly contract, relax, and re-contract your muscles against a barbell whilst maintaining a good technique. You don’t need to become the next Hossein Rezazadeh, but it’s a great new skill to learn.
Don’t have access to a qualified coach, or the right equipment? Kettlebells will be a powerful tool as you’re training for the zombie apocalypse. Like weightlifting, kettlebell training requires powerfully hoisting and catching weight, with that sensation of switching on and off very rapidly. Extra challenge stems from holding bulky weights on the outside of the wrist, forcing you to battle for equilibrium. You’d better get practicing – this handy kettlebell training guide could help!
6. Getting Down
Whether it’s push-ups, bear crawls, mountain climbers, plank variations or burpees, you should get good at floor exercises. Your abs, shoulders, and wrists will get better at weight-bearing. If you trip and fall with zombies in pursuit, you need to be able to get up quickly (especially if they’re the fast ones!). Alternatively, you may need to stay low to avoid being seen. Scrambling around on the floor is also a great way to get the heart rate up.
8. Plyometrics
Plyometric exercises train your ability to use elastic energy through effective use of your naturally springy tissues, like muscles and tendons. Plyometric exercises often feature jumping and landing, or both in quick succession.
Plyometrics are all about producing maximum force in the shortest space of time possible, increasing your speed and power. This will help you out-manoeuvre any shambling hordes of zombies headed your way. It also helps with movement economy – improved use of our springs means we require less muscular effort to keep us moving. This can reduce energy expenditure; perfect if the weekly food shop is about to become more a lot more dangerous.
Plyometric training can prevent injury, by making tissues more resilient and promoting increases in bone density. The last thing you need in the zombie apocalypse is a busted ankle!
9. Fitness Training for the Zombie Apocalypse
I could go into the relative merits of slow endurance training vs fast interval training, but a mixture of both will be crucial when the zombies are hot on your heels. HIIT workouts will boost your ability to make last-ditch, all-out efforts (especially if there are fast zombies – gulp!). On the other hand, no one can sprint forever, and you’ll need to be capable of sustained efforts if you want to live another day.
Want to know more about how I train for fitness? Check out this series of conditioning finishers.
What’s Your Score?
0-3 – You might be hyper-focussed on one facet of your training, or maybe you’re looking for that jolt of motivation to start training again. Either way, there’s no better time to increase your abilities than right now. Try some of the activities on this list to improve your chances of survival!
4-7 – You’ve got a broad range of skills, and you stand a pretty good chance of surviving if your fellow survivors can fill the gaps in your abilities. After all, teamwork is the name of the game.
8-9 – You’ve got survival skills in spades! You can handle anything a world full of zombies can throw at you. Now, if only you could make a cure…
Let’s Get Dead Serious
The zombie apocalypse may be a joke topic, but it highlights the ways in which physical training can prepare us for life’s challenges. Exercise is about adding more physical abilities to your repertoire and increasing the number of challenges you can overcome.
Also, exercise improves such a broad range of health and wellness markers that it’s almost guaranteed to improve your quality of life. While we may never have to live out our worst zombie nightmares, we owe it to ourselves to prepare our bodies for anything. Good luck and I’ll see you in the bunker!
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